11 Ways To Keep Stress From Hurting Your Marriage

We recently profiled four couples who have established what we think of as Third Metric marriages -- relationships where both partners value wellbeing ahead of accumulating wealth or climbing a career ladder (which can responsible for so much misery). You can read their individual stories here, here, here and here, but we realized that in the aggregate, their choices offer a nice cheat sheet of marital dos and don'ts. If you're looking to shape or reshape a shared life that doesn't feel like a grind, where you have less stress and more time for each other, consider following their lead:

1. Work the important stuff out before you get married (to the extent that you can).

When I asked Meghan and Josh what the biggest challenge in their marriage is, Meghan said a lot of their hardest moments so far came before they got engaged, when they were figuring out "if we can actually function and work together, being who we each are." Meghan was used to her independence and wasn't even sure she wanted to get married. She tended to work more and have more work-related stress than Josh, who described himself as a "late bloomer" -- he still lived with his parents in his late 20s while he was establishing his nutrition practice. Before anyone put a ring on it, Meghan made it clear that Josh needed to move a little faster, and she committed to including Josh in her decisions and not letting work infringe on their time with each other.

Other couples we talked to also had key decisions and positions worked out when they married. Sarah and Jeff knew that Sarah would always be focused on her career, whereas Jeff would work part time or stay home as soon as they had a family. "Even though we got together pretty young, it's always been an understanding," Sarah said. Although they had lots to work out in terms of how they spent their money, high school sweethearts Bethany and Dustin knew that they wanted several children. As much as possible, figure out the big stuff before you say "I do."

2. If you have trouble coping with stress, marry someone who is less affected by it.

Both Meghan and Dana, who admit their vulnerability to stress, married people who are temperamentally less likely to become unmoored by their own stress. As a result, there's always a voice of calm and reason in their dynamic.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't be responsible for managing your own stress or that it doesn't deplete the less stress-prone partner to be constantly trying to help the other unwind. But tough situations are much easier to manage if both of your nerves aren't constantly singed.

3. Know that your job affects your marriage.

Most of the spouses we profiled saw their lives and marriages get profoundly better when they left jobs that didn't offer them flexibility or fulfillment. Not everyone has the option to switch jobs or careers, much less quit, like Sarah and Jeff, did, but if you have a sense that you're not where you're meant to be, think about the steps you would need to take to move into something you enjoy more. The person talking you off a ledge every night will appreciate it.

4. Have a plan.

If Josh and Meghan's life together seems like a designer marriage, that's because they consciously built their life in a way that minimizes stress and maximizes time for pursuits they believe in and enjoy.

For them a key piece has been assuming that they can do what they set out to do and refusing to accept that anything simply can't be done. Here's how Josh put it: "I think people don't really look at what they truly want to do in life and then take the steps to see if that's a feasible thing. [They] just jump to conclusions -- 'oh, that's not responsible,' or 'I don't have the money to do that.' You can pretty much do anything if you take the appropriate steps to set it up that way."

5. Reevaluate the plan.

If you didn't start your marriage with the lifestyle that works best for you, you're not stuck. Almost all of the spouses we interviewed once thought they would always be in the careers that were making their lives miserable and putting pressure on their marriages. Sometimes together, sometimes at different moments, they questioned whether that was true, and simply asking the question led to changes that have made them healthier, less stressed and happier with each other.

6. Even if you think you're doing everything right, reevaluate the plan.

Dustin and Bethany were learning how to lead marriage retreats for engaged couples when they realized their marriage "just wasn't what we'd set out to do," as Dustin put it. It wasn't terrible, but they realized it could be a lot better, and they were willing to experiment with doing it differently. Like the other couples who reorganized their lives in an attempt to feel better and enjoy it all a little more, their effort wasn't wasted.

7. Do the corny exercise.

You can understand why Bethany and Dustin were skeptical of a marriage retreat activity that asked them to describe their "dream marriage" to each other. It also happened to be one of the most useful excercises they had ever done, and it's one every married couple or prospective married couple should probably do, maybe at several different junctures in the marriage. There may be things your spouse wants that you're not even aware of, or have long forgotten -- in Bethany's case, it was being a stay-at-home parent. And there may be desires of your own that you think you've made known but haven't actually communicated all that clearly.

Talking about your shared future also helps reinfuse the relationship with that element that so often goes missing in periods when you're feeling bored or less connected: a sense of possibility.

8. Choose sex over your to-do list.

Most people know stress affects their sex lives, but Dustin pointed out that it's easy to start thinking of sex as something you do when you have nothing else on your plate. That's a great recipe for having sex a few times a year, tops.

"It used to be [that] sex was reserved for when we weren't stressed out, when everything else is already done and perfect," said Dustin.

And he pointed out that insane lust isn't the only acceptable provocation. "It could be, 'Hey, I'm stressed,' or, 'Hey, I'm sad,'" he said. "Sex doesn't have to just be when things are in line in the rest of our lives."

9. Do not underestimate the power of exercise (and kale).

Every couple we talked to mentioned that exercise has helped them reduce their stress, cope better with the stress they have and be nicer to each other. Dana found Pilates and ran a half marathon, and she and James often go for walks together, as do Sarah and Jeff. Meghan and Josh do yoga and ride their bikes as much as possible.

Eating well helps, too, even if it seems only distantly related. If you feel better, you're a better partner, and you're less vulnerable to stress. "It takes a lot more for our health to be affected because we maintain those non-negotiables of eating good food and exercising regularly," said Meghan, who obviously served lots of kale at her wedding. Stress "doesn't take the same physical toll [on us] that it would otherwise."

10. Forget other people's expectations, or "We're just happier. Deal with that."

For Dana and James, a huge part of changing their life and their marriage was abandoning other people's ideas of who they should be. James had been told his entire life that law was his calling. Now he works at Whole Foods, where he says he goes to work happy every day. "I didn't have any lawyers in the family, but everyone thought that's what I'd be a natural at," he said. "It doesn't feel like my calling anymore."

Dana said that some acquaintances and coworkers have volunteered commentary on the choices she and James have made, along the lines of, "Oh my God, how can you pay your student loans? Don't you feel like you should be making more money?" Her response? "We're just happier. Deal with that. These choices weren't easy, but this is what we want."

11. If they aren't too devastating, the hard times make you stronger.

Most of University of Texas psychologist Lisa Neff's work on stress and marriage shows that the best way to keep stress from weakening relationships is to cut out as many stressors as possible. That said, two studies she conducted in 2011 showed that couples who had good coping skills and were exposed to mild to moderate stress as newlyweds were more resilient in the face of later stressors, including parenthood, than those who had good coping skills but saw relatively little stress during the early phases of matrimony. The key was that the stress the first group of couples were exposed to didn't exceed their ability to manage it.

Dustin seemed to echo Neff's findings when he said that in retrospect, the hard times early in his marriage to Bethany "put a lot of pressure on our relationship, but at the same time it kind of proved to us that we can make it through those things. There's going to be other stuff that comes up that we can't control. It's good to be able to look back and say, 'You know, that was tough, too, but we made it through.'" And they're happier than they've ever been.

Ukraine Weddings Can Bring Sickness Before Health

It was meant to be the happiest day of her life. Instead, Yulia Yukhimets' wedding ended with her being rushed to the hospital, weak, pale and hooked to an IV – together with nearly 60 guests.
"I have always wanted all of this, but look how it ended," Yukhimets, 20, a slim and shy blonde, said from her hospital in the town of Ruzhyn, where she was taken in an ambulance from a nearby village this month.
Every year, hundreds of Ukrainian newlyweds and their guests need medical treatment after suffering food poisoning at wedding banquets. They are victims of Ukraine's cult of traditional big wedding hospitality, which calls for treating guests to more food than they can eat and the hosts can safely prepare. Most often, the poisonings take place because the home-made food at village weddings is not properly refrigerated while it is prepared in huge batches over several days.
Many cultures favor big weddings, but a traditional Ukrainian village wedding is nothing short of a sacred ritual, bringing together the entire community at food-laden tables for song, dance and celebrations that last several days.
Ethnographer Olena Shcherban says that in folk culture, a wedding is considered to be one of the three key events in a person's life, along with birth and death, and is an occasion for the community to give its official blessing to the new family.
"A wedding is not just anything, it's a culmination of a relationship of members of a community," Shcherban said. "This culmination must take place publically in front of the eyes of the entire village, of the entire small community that knows these people and that will legalize this relationship,"
The very Ukrainian word for wedding – "vesillya" – is derived from the words "joy" and "rejoice." And in popular belief, the bigger the party, the happier the marriage.
So it was supposed to be at Yukhimets' wedding.
After registering their marriage in a civil ceremony, the wedding party headed for the first day of celebrations at the bride's home in Nemyryntsi, a small village in central Ukraine, surrounded by corn and sunflower fields. A large tent went up in Yukhimets' garden and about 150 guests sat down to toast the bride, a primary school teacher, and her groom, Oleksandr, 29, a mobile phones salesman. In line with tradition, the tent was covered with birch branches and a maroon carpet was hung behind the newlyweds' table, decorated with an Orthodox Christian icon and a hand-embroidered towel.
Yulia's mother, Valentyna Hrabchak, was in charge of whipping up the once-in-a-lifetime event – one that local custom dictated should last at least three days with a minimum of 35 dishes, not counting desserts.
She slaughtered a home-grown pig two days before the wedding and summoned 20 girlfriends to help with preparations. Together they served up a colossal feast, all home-made: meat patties, pate, stuffed cabbage rolls, meat rolls, sausage, salads, chicken wings, 12 round loaves of bread, fried steaks, smoked fish, pancakes, and much more.
The food was delicious and the party was fun, complete with a lemon-eating contest, traditional Ukrainian songs and a wedding dance. The next day, Yulia and Oleksxandr were wed in a church and the celebration moved to the groom's house. But already by the afternoon, many started feeling unwell. First, suspicion fell on men drinking too much "horilka," or Ukrainian vodka. But after the bride, the guests and even the musicians suffered fever, stomach aches, vomiting and diarrhea, it became clear that something else was to blame.
Yulia was rushed to the Rozhyn Central District hospital in her pajamas, having just changed out of her wedding dress. She and others were given antibiotics and intravenous drips. Some were in such bad shape that they were carried on stretchers and rushed into emergency care, among them a 2-year-old boy. Fourteen of those who fell ill were children.
There were so many wedding patients that the hospital quickly ran out of beds and drugs. Some patients were put on trolleys in the corridors of the hospital's infections unit; a rich villager donated money and medications to help fellow townsfolk. A week after being admitted, most patients were feeling better and some were being discharged.
Mykola Zozulya, the hospital's head doctor, said that lab tests showed that the infection was caused by salmonella. He frowns upon lavish weddings, saying preparing and eating so much food is a health hazard: "It's our Ukrainian mentality: We want for the table to collapse under the weight of the food."
The Health Ministry said it does not keep statistics of wedding poisonings. But such incidents are frequent, especially during hot summer months that are the preferred season for weddings.
Hrabchak, who did not get sick, blamed the eggs she bought at a local store and used in most of the dishes. She said the food was all home-made and properly stored in refrigerators and a cold cellar.
And most wedding participants being treated at the hospital defended the big "vesillya" as a wonderful tradition – saying they simply got unlucky.
"These traditions were invented not by us, but by our ancestors," said Svitlana Yukhimets, the wedding's toast maker, "so we try to maintain them."
Hrabchak was nearly in tears at what happened. She said she regrets that the wedding she organized caused her loved ones so much suffering, but still believes that the sacred tradition of big and hearty weddings should live on.
"You should have, and have and have weddings and not be afraid that something would happen," Hrabchak said. "If you are afraid of wolves, don't go into the woods."

A Special wedding dress for our eloping anonymous

 
"Hello Outblush...I am a faithful reader of your website (or scanner), as I peruse your website daily. I adore finding all of these unique items you offer daily! Now, I need some help for myself! I am eloping in 4 months! I need your help because we are not telling ANYONE...Thus, I can't go to my girlfriends or mother for fashion advice...so, please help me find a dress for my occasion! I am a size 8/10 that will be getting married in the spring (in the south). It will be a private outdoor ceremony. I am open to anything. I am willing to spend up to 2k. I love boatnecks, sheer tops to dresses, long, short...I am pretty open! I do have a big booty, so it needs to be accommodating. Please help me! I realize I may be out of range for ordering one at a bridal salon...so, am open to regular retailers, especially since it does not have to be black prom dress. Must remain anonymous :) THANKS!"
Dearest Anonymous Bride-To-Be! Carlota here. How exciting that you're eloping! I'd love to help you find a beautiful dress for your big day. Hope you like my picks. Good luck and best wishes!

Daytime Wedding Reception Dresses for Simone

"My fiancé and I were invited to a wedding reception that is being held at a banquet hall. The wedding was a destination wedding and this reception is for everyone that could not make it. It will be in the afternoon from 1-5. What is something appropriate to wear to an event like this? Can I get away wearing a nice dark wash pair of skinny jeans and flats or do I need to wear a dress? I have no idea what to wear. Help please!!!"
Simone, stop right there. Sure, weddings have gone slightly less formal in recent years, but we haven't jumped all the way into skinny jean territory just yet. Let's throw out that idea and slip on an elegant wedding dresses instead. Considering the reception is scheduled during the day, you want to stick with bright colors. Black, tans and neutrals would be a bit out of place (especially during the summer). And of course, avoid white, cream, eggshell, or any variation at all costs.
In terms of silhouette, a-line and empire waist is ideal. Form fitting dresses are more appropriate for evening events. Keep the length around the knee, or just above. Also, keep the neckline modest - steer away from deep plunging v-necks. Weddings are no place for the girls to make a grand entrance. You want to make a statement, but give the bride the floor. Hope one of these options works for you, or at least points you in the right direction. Have a fabulous time and take plenty of pictures!

4 Secrets to a Perfectly Imperfect Relationship

On a fateful evening back in December of 2008, I met the man of my dreams. I just didn't know it yet. It started with a cheesy pick up line -- or so I thought -- until I realized that he was really that sincere and sweet. He told me that my arms looked amazing and wanted to know how I trained. At the time, I was guarded. I was struggling to put the pieces of my life back together as a newly single mother of two young children, and the last thing I was looking for was a relationship. Chris was working through his own issues, trying to make something of his life and struggling to get back on his feet after losing everything. After the seminar we talked for hours. We discovered how much we had in common and developed a genuine appreciation for each other. For months, we supported each other as friends -- I helped him restructure his business, and he helped me through my daily trials and tribulations. The more we got to know each other, the more our appreciation grew for each other. We tied the knot in June of 2010. Little Cash joined our family in 2011, and we're all anxiously awaiting the arrival of our new little one in November, who will make our Powell Pack a six-pack!
That being said, our life together is not always full of "butterflies and roses," as Chris likes to say. Oh, no. We have relationship and family challenges just like everyone else! Not only are we trying to be the best spouses and parents we can be, but we also work together 24/7/365 to help guide transformations for some incredible people (featured on Extreme Weight Loss on ABC) and other projects that are so important to us. And while we love every aspect of the life we've chosen, it can sometimes take a toll on our relationship if we're not careful. So how do we keep that spark alive? I'll let you in on our four little secrets:
• Take advantage of every single moment. From caring for our amazing kids, to nonstop schedule revisions, to running the family business, to being year-long coaches to our transformation contestants, to doing household chores, to dealing with Chris' crazy travel schedule (he's gone pretty much 75 percent of the year) -- I could go on and on -- it can be difficult to find time to spend together and reconnect. I know we're not alone in this challenge -- this is the reality of life! We've realized if we don't create time to spend together, it's just not going to happen. Some of the time we spend together isn't what you'd necessarily call "romantic" (although any time with my man is what I'd call "romantic"!): we run errands, do household chores, work out, take walks, and just sit and talk. We've discovered that a few minutes here and there can truly strengthen our relationship, and believe it or not these moments of "real life" we get to experience together are the ones that truly define our relationship -- it feels so good to know that we can enjoy even the most mundane of tasks together ;). And how do we do it when we're on opposite sides of the continent? Simple: we take advantage of technology (video chat and our iPhones) to spend as much time together as possible, every single day. We set "family dates" between breaks to play games, eat dinner/lunch, and just play... all over computer!! We make it work, and make it enjoyable!
• Take time for yourselves. While time together is crucial, it's equally important to have some personal time to keep our individual souls happy and healthy. Whether it's yoga, meditation, working out, cooking, writing, or simply relaxing, we make sure we take care of ourselves so we can take better care of each other and our kids. The stronger, happier, and healthier we are individually, the strong we can be as a team and a family ☺
• Be a team. Chris and I are two imperfect people. We both have strengths and weaknesses. Chris excels at some things I struggle with, and vice versa. We've learned to combine our strengths to form this amazing team that is so powerfully effective in reaching our common goals. And when one of us is struggling, the other one steps up to the plate to make up the difference. When he's on the road and I'm left to run the family business and take care of the kids, I do it, because that's what true teammates do. When I'm struggling with the kids, he steps in and takes over, because that's what true teammates do. But no matter what, I know he's got my back and he knows I've got his. No matter what. We are a team.
• Be each other's best friend -- always. Chris and I were best friends long before we decided to get married. We had a relationship built on openness, honesty, vulnerability, and an unconditional appreciation of how perfectly imperfect we were, and this best friend relationship formed the foundation for the marriage that we value and fiercely protect today. I know from past experience that when we get close to someone, it's easy to take that person for granted and fall into the stereotypical "nagging wife" and "lazy husband" roles, or vice versa. It's also easy to get irritated with your significant other's imperfections. The solution Chris and I discovered is that we ALWAYS treat each other like a best friend -- we even have "My Best Friend" tattooed on our ring fingers as a constant reminder. So the next time your significant other leaves the toilet seat up or the lid off the toothpaste -- again -- think, "How would I approach my best friend in this situation?" and then do it. When he tells you the truth about how a certain dress looks, even though it might hurt, try to react and respond to him like you would your best friend. And when your best friend talks, really listen to what is said, like a best friend would.
Let's be honest: all relationships go through good times and some not-so-good times. Put these four little secrets to the test and see if they can not only keep that spark alive, but help those not-so-good times become better as well. Now that's a win-win!

This Couple's Radical Solution To The 'We Never See Each' Problem

This story is the second of four profiles of couples taking a third metric approach to matrimony, prioritizing wellbeing and fun ahead of wealth, status and being constantly "on." Check out how Meghan and Josh used the same strategy to transform their marriage.
Sarah and Jeff Russell hadn’t been in the workforce that long when it stopped making sense to them.

After graduating from the University of Michigan in 2006 with a degree in environmental studies, Sarah couldn’t find a position in her field so she worked in 9-to-5 administrative jobs. Her husband, Jeff, now 30, worked as a bartender and a bouncer, a draining gig involving long, late hours with a demanding (read: drunk) clientele. Their individual unhappiness put a lot of strain on their marriage, as did the fact that they worked almost opposite schedules.
"It's hard to connect when you only see each other in passing,” said Sarah. “If both people are stressed in their jobs, I think you bring that home. Some of that anxiety and frustration transfers to the relationship with your spouse -- how could it not?”

Sarah and Jeff on their wedding day in 2009 In 2010, Sarah, now 28, started to question, “this model where we work 40 hours a week regardless of what jobs actually require to get things done.” Her frustration and restlessness became even more pronounced when she and Jeff decided they were ready to have kids.
“Thinking about how we want to run a family, it isn't two parents working two jobs running around and not having quality family time," Sarah said. Both she and Jeff were raised by stay-at-home moms. ”We always had it in the back of our minds that if we could do it financially, we would love to have one of us to stay at home.”
So they decided to do something radical: quit their jobs.
As Sarah described in a blog post in April 2012, the couple had a six-month plan to get their finances in order. They worked longer hours, paid down some debt, and saved to replace Sarah's $36,000 salary and the money Jeff made in tips, and to cover their health insurance.
"We knew we were taking a big risk, especially given the state of the economy and the difficulty many people are having finding jobs, but we're young and our condo payment is cheap," she said.
They wanted a six-month emergency fund, but “both of us just hit the point where it was like, ‘We can't do this anymore. We've set ourselves up as well as we can,'” Sarah wrote in the post.
Their plan worked. Sarah immediately established a successful freelance career in digital marketing, then was hired by one of her clients to work full-time in a remote position with flexible hours.
Now Sarah wakes up around 6:30 and works through the morning, taking a break around 10 to work out. Jeff gets up around 11. They have lunch together and if it’s a weekday, Sarah does a few more hours of work. Their home in Madison, Wis., is a two-bedroom, townhouse-style condo so when she’s writing, Jeff can be on a different floor reading or handling projects around the house.
“Then we come back together again for dinner and enjoy the evening, whether that means going out with friends or taking a walk,” said Sarah. She turns in around 11, and Jeff, still a night owl after all those years working late shifts, usually stays up until around 2 reading or playing video games.
After spending so little time together, it was strange at first to be together all the time, but their slightly different schedules help them maintain their own space. "We still have our own interests and our own activities, so it's not like we're spending so much time together that we're bored of each other," said Sarah.
Their stress levels had never been lower, and in November 2012, Sarah got pregnant.

Sarah and Jeff in February 2013 when Sarah was 18 weeks pregnant. But it was six months later when tragedy struck, that the changes they made yielded their most important benefit. In April, Sarah’s pregnancy ended in stillbirth. In the aftermath, Sarah said, she and Jeff have grown even closer, but she's not sure that would have been the case if they hadn't quit their jobs.
"Having both of us at home let us work through thoughts and feelings as they came up. My employer was tremendously supportive and understanding, and having the flexibility in my schedule that they've given me made it easier to schedule things like doctors appointments, counselor visits and whatever else we needed to do to heal," she said.
Sarah and Jeff are trying to get pregnant again. Until they have kids, Jeff has gone back to work part-time in a hotel in guest services, a much healthier and lower-stress work environment than a bar. Sarah is still working remotely in the same job. She said they are working “with that same conscious attention to [the question], 'are these jobs giving us the freedom that we wanted originally?'"
Are they worried about the stress parenthood will likely bring or the toll it could exact on their marriage? “Yeah, for sure,” Sarah said.
“Not that that would ever deter us,” she added. “We aren't dealing with stressful jobs alongside the stress of raising a child. I think that that's going to be a positive thing.”
Remarkably, Sarah isn't concerned about money, even though having a child will mean many additional expenses. Her field pays well, she said, and “because our focus isn't on the accumulation of wealth or things, we don't worry. We don't live in a huge house, we aren't taking expensive vacations, our car isn't new. We've deliberately chosen to simplify our lives.”
Distilling out what wasn't important has in turn strengthened their marriage. "To not bring home a ton of stress has been wonderful in terms of our ability to communicate, our sex life, all of it. When you're not carrying around a bunch of frustration, that automatically puts you in a better mood and carries over into the relationship that you have with your partner,” said Sarah. “We're a lot closer as a result.”

Real Weddings: Couples Who Got Married This Weekend

The bridal parties at this weekend's Big Day celebrations were extra special: One group of groomsmen unveiled their secret superhero powers and a bunch of bridesmaids proved they really know how to get the party started.

Woman Wins Fake Contest and Receives an Underwater Scuba Diving Proposal

Zahra is OBSESSED with online contests. She always enters any she can find and sometimes she even wins. But Zahra could have never known that when she entered a contest on Travel Blog California, she was about to win the best prize of her life. Her boyfriend Karim enlisted the help of The Heart Bandits to create a fake website and a fake contest as part of his marriage proposal. The website was created and after a couple of posts the big news was announced: A free flight to California to interact with sea lions and scuba dive in the famous Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach would be given away. Zahra, thinking it was a long shot to win such an amazing prize, entered anyway. A couple weeks later, the winner was announced and it was Zahra.

Zahra told all of her friends and family about winning the prize and they could not believe the news. But soon plane tickets arrived and everyone realized that it was true. Zahra and Karim boarded a plane to California and soon they were in the aquarium enjoying her prize. Zahra and Karim got to help train sea lions and then they were off to what they were most excited for, the scuba diving. Scuba diving is a big part of their relationship. When Karim first met Zahra, he had always wanted to become certified but he just didn't have the motivation. Zahra pushed him to do it and that is one thing that they share in common and that they love to do. They spent some time diving in the aquarium and then they were led to a water tunnel where a crowd had formed after learning what was about to happen. Karim swam over to the area where his signs were hidden and he displayed them one by one. After he showed all of the signs to Zahra, he pointed to a banner that said, "You are my lobster, Will you marry me?" He took the ring off of the string he had tied to his wrist under his wetsuit and proposed. Zahra said "yes" and they both took off their masks for an underwater kiss.

After the proposal, the couple was interviewed by Still Moments Studios about their proposal. The videographer asked Zahra how she felt about the fact that Karim set up this whole fake contest and her reply was, "It was fake?" Congratulations Karim and Zahra!


Michele is a Marriage Proposal Expert, who specializes in Romantic Date and Proposal Planning. She owns The Heart Bandits and her work has been featured in NY Times, LA Times, NBC, Anderson Cooper Live, Brides Magazine, and more. Contact The Heart Bandits to have them plan your romantic date or marriage proposal. For more information about The Heart Bandits, visit www.cyunibyo.com.

Engagement Ring Shopping Tips From Jewelers

Struggling to choose the perfect engagement ring for your beloved? Many would-be grooms (and brides!) have faced the same conundrum.

On Monday, jeweler Zameer Kassam stopped by HuffPost Live to offer his advice on how to make the engagement ring shopping process less stressful.

"Try to listen really carefully for all the hints that she gives you," he said. "You can [also] look at her Pinterest. She's probably picking things online that she likes."

Gemologist and HuffPost blogger Jerry Ehrenwald says it's risky to not involve your spouse-to-be in the ring shopping process. But, "When in doubt, always consult the best friend," he wrote in a 2012 blog post.

What's your best ring shopping advice? Share it in the comments below, then click here to watch the full HuffPost Live segment.

I Bought My Wife Three Engagment Rings Before She Was Happy

Getting engaged is a magical moment for most couples, but what happens when your new fiancee hates the ring? The third time was the charm for Adam Baker and his wife, as he bought her three engagement rings before she was satisfied. He shared his story on HuffPost Live.
Baker explained that when he and his wife got engaged eight years ago, he wasn't able to afford a large diamond ring. "It was a ring that I had bought for my wife that I was in a different spot than I am now, [when] I wasn't as fortunate," he explained to host Tiffany Williams.
"When we got married she was happy with it, but as we got older and three kids in three years, she figured she needed a little bit of an upgrade," he continued. "I think it was either an upgrade for boobs or an upgrade for a diamond ring. So she took the upgrade for the ring."

The couple re-set the original ring with a larger diamond, but his wife didn't receive the reaction from friends that she'd hoped for. "I think karma came back to get her, because she gets a lot more compliments about the original ring that has been re-set than she does the upgrade."
After that, Baker bought his wife a third ring with a larger and more unique stone. Gemologist Don Strzepak, who also joined the conversation, gave it his seal of approval.
"It's a pear-shaped diamond, rounds on the sides, 3- to 4-carat. I can tell it's got decent color to it. You did a good job Adam."

Batman Wedding Hosted By Gay Couple In California

This is how you do a theme wedding right.
Newlyweds Christopher and Kevin tied the knot in Dana Point, Calif. in June 2013. The couple chose a Batman theme for their wedding and pulled it off with elegance and grace. Their nuptials were featured on OffbeatBride.com earlier this month; take a look at Christopher's description of the Big Day below -- and photos from the beautiful wedding -- then click over to Offbeat Bride to see more.

When Kevin and I got engaged in 2011 and started planning this event, we were very undecided about the theme, and decided to look into our mutual hobbies and interests for inspiration. Both of us are self-proclaimed geeks, and we decided that we would work that into the theme. We couldn't cover all aspects of our interests, so we narrowed it down to one mutual love between us: Batman.

The trouble was that we liked Batman for different reasons ... Kevin loves the heroic aspect of Batman, and I love Batman's many villains, especially the much ignored and unloved Mr. Freeze. It took a few months before our vision started to gel into a "heroes versus villains" cocktail party. This gave us the ability to decorate and dress up, but within the confines of making everything cocktail party-inspired.

Ace Your Wedding Vows in 7 Easy Steps

It's always a nice touch when couples write their own vows. It's the best way to bring you and your fiance's personalities into your wedding ceremony, and a sure-fire way to engage the audience, whether they are left crying or laughing. Expressing your love on paper may seem daunting, but it's easier than you'd think. Let us count the ways...
1. Begin Separately
Schedule some alone time to write your vows on your own before sharing them with each other. Doing this exercise individually will help each of you reflect without the other's influence, making the result more interesting and personal.
See More: 13 New Wedding Cake Trends We Love

2. Ask Yourself Questions
"The first step is to excavate your own heart," advises the Rev. Judith Johnson, author of "The Wedding Ceremony Planner". She recommends sitting quietly with a blank sheet of paper and asking yourself questions such as, "Why have I chosen this person to be my partner? What do I love most about him or her?" Take time to really think about the answers, and translate them into a vow.

3. Look for Inspiration
Once you have gathered your own thoughts, scour books, poems, and examples of other wedding vows to find the right words that succinctly express what you want to say. Feel free to mix old with new and classic with modern, and incorporate elements of traditional vows into your own.
Related: 12 New and Unexpected Wedding Food Ideas

4. Make Promises
"Focus on what marriage means to you. What are you saying yes to, and what can you promise your partner?" says the Rev. Jeddah Vailakis, an interfaith minister in New York. Reflect on the good times, but consider all of the stumbling blocks in your relationship too. For example, if you're working too much and not making time for each other, you may want to think about what you can pledge to avoid falling into that trap again.

5. Exchange Letters
Make a date to sit down together to share your notes and read each other's thoughts. Afterward, rather than throwing these first-draft letters away, file them as keepsakes to read on anniversaries.

6. Play Editor
Decide which parts you would like to read aloud, and what aspects of traditional vows you plan on including. Remember to keep the vows as short and as simple as possible—a paragraph or two at most.

7. Practice
Johnson recommends writing your vows—on index cards or a scroll—so you don't have to worry about memorizing them. Make sure to give a copy to your officiant as a backup, and rehearse them with flash cards prior to the wedding day. That way you'll know when to breathe, and you'll be prepared for the parts that may make you tear up.

Double Rainbow Wedding Photo Is Breathtakingly Beautiful

Some believe that double rainbows symbolize a transformation in life -- so what could be more appropriate than seeing one on your wedding day?

On Friday, Alaskan wedding photographer Josh Martinez of Chugach Peaks Photography captured a photo of bride Megan posing alongside a double rainbow on top of Mount Alyeska. Check out the stunning shot below:

We wonder what the "Double Rainbow Guy" would have to say about this...

Shopping Tips for Plus-Size Brides

Shopping for a wedding dress can be an exciting (and stressful) endeavor for any bride. But it can become daunting when the average American woman wears a size 14, yet many bridal stores cater to a size six and don't carry gown samples in plus sizes. Every body type is beautiful and no one should settle for anything less than their dream wedding dress. Full-figured brides, here are some tips to keep in mind while shopping for the big day.
1. Determine a budget before shopping for a gown.
Plus-size gowns are pricier than other sizes because manufacturers charge a higher percentage for more material, beading and lace. As excited as you may be to start shopping, work out your budget first. Avoid trying on gowns outside of your price range because you'll either fall in love with one and be disappointed by every other dress you see (even if they're just as beautiful), or you'll blow your budget.

If you do find yourself pining for a gown that costs more than you can afford, ask the designer if they can limit the beading to the bodice only, and skip embellishment entirely on the skirt or train. Or ask if the dress comes in another fabric that's less expensive.

2. It's normal to wear a bigger size in bridal than you would in everyday clothing.
Bridal sizes run smaller than streetwear sizes, aka regular clothes. You’re considered a plus-size bride if you normally wear a size 14 or higher, which would be a size 16 in bridal. Most designers do offer plus sizes, but many stores only carry samples in sizes 8, 10 and 12. Call your local bridal store before you go shopping to ensure that they'll be able to accommodate you.

Trying on the dress you love in your size will eliminate return policy fears — you don't want to get stuck with a dress that doesn’t fit — and help you envision exactly how it'll look on the big day. Check out great sources like Alfred Angelo and David's Bridal (which carries sizes up to 26W). Some designers, like Bonny, also offer collections exclusively for plus-size brides. Whether your dream dress is sweet, sophisticated or dramatic, you're sure to find a gown that flatters your figure.

3. Choose figure-flattering fabrics.
Thicker fabrics such as taffeta are ideal for curvy brides because they smooth everything out, creating a streamlined silhouette. Be aware that strapless styles can make shoulders look wider, so consider opting for styles with thicker straps or cap sleeves. Avoid heavily-beaded bodices and appliqués, which can draw attention to areas you’d prefer to minimize.

4. Find the perfect silhouette for your shape.
The most important advice for finding a wedding dress is to know your body shape. Top-heavy brides with hourglass figures look great in trumpet silhouettes, whereas an A-line cut is better if you're bottom-heavy, and apple-shaped brides look best in empire dresses or ballgowns.

Just because you're a plus-size bride doesn't mean you can't wear a fitted gown! Look for a style that flares out at the knee, or right above or below it. The perfect dress isn't complete without the right undergarments. We love the Slimplicity Open-Bust Mid-Thigh Bodysuit from Spanx. This shapewear firms the tummy, hips, thighs and rear. (Learn what to wear under your gown, here!)

5. Be confident!
While shopping for a wedding dress, don't be timid. Tell the consultant exactly what you want, and don't let them pressure you into buying a style you're not in love with, no matter how flattering it is. The right dress should make you feel comfortable in your own skin. It's just as important to know what your dislikes are as it is to find out what you love. Stay true to yourself and don't be afraid to seek advice from family and friends!